I'm Sorry...

I've decided I hate giving advice. It makes me feel a number of ways. (That number is 2).

1: I feel like I'm telling how to make your life better because it obviously sucks. But it doesn't (unless its mine, then it does). And that's not my intent. But that's how I feel and I'm sorry :/

2: I feel like you might hate it and totally disagree with it. Plus, you might be doing great and not doing what I'm suggesting, and maybe think you're doing something wrong or that I'm totally lying because all of that and more and yeah... I'm sorry!

I post this because I feel like that may be how my "Optimal College Experience" posts came across. NO NO NO NONNONONONONO. Those were in reality what I wish I had/would do. It's me ranting. Its my attempt to help any little high school freshman Mikayla try to figure out how to make life better. But... but but but but.... I should just delete them, but then I'm like, eh. Kind of like Eminem when he was like "But if one kid out of a hundred million, who are going through a struggle feels and relates that's great."

So if there's another little Mikayla out there, all lost and alone and just wanting a little help, I'm here for you.

And to everyone else who was doing just great without everything I said,, sorry! Again.

This is just one sappy apology note. Sorry.

--a hopeless YA

THE REALITY OF COLLEGE: Part 2 Your Optimal Experience

OK! Now to the fun part. I get to tell you what to do to have your optimal experience. Hahahahahaaha psych. You know how everyone will tell you life will get better after high school? It doesn't. Not for the majority of the population. I'm really hoping that its after college where it gets better for almost everyone. But stay tuned and maybe we'll find out together.

(Ew, why you gotta go and click bait this Mikayla.?? Well, first of all it technically isn't. Second of all, I just wanna say YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANY OF THIS. I didn't do half of them. Just do them if you can or if you even want to! YOU HAVE FREE AGENCY.)

Probably how you feel towards me right now

Unless you are the most amazing human being ever, you will NOT have the most amazing and totally stereotypical college experience.  Also, I don't mean to be a downer, but the type of people who are having an as-close-to-optimal college experience won't even be reading this, so we're all good. I promise you that NOBODY has their shit together. Everybody out there is struggling with something. It might be small, it might be big, but their life is NOT perfect. BUT, I still will share with you some tips to get as close as you can. (PS Mind you, these are what I wish I had done--these are not golden tickets to a perfect life by any means.)

1. Start researching colleges early and maybe even apply for early decision if you are that smart of a cookie. ALSO, APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS FOR THOSE SCHOOLS. (That can be a huge factor--for me, it was practically the deal breaker). But have a list of colleges that you can afford, that have more than one good program/degree that you're interested in, or that is close to home or even maybe far away from home, BEFORE you graduate high school, (or preferably the spring semester of your senior year). Try not to pay attention to how much of party school it is or stupid shiz like that, but to things that really matter to you. If you care about distance or class size, then by all means make that the biggest factor in your decision making.

sometimes this is how it feels to try and find a college

2. Take college credits in high school. Just do it. It doesn't matter how many you take or end up getting, PLEASE PLEASE take advantage of it if your high school offers it. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. Maybe even get your Associate's Degree (like my bff did.[and yes, I actually have a friend... or three.])

3. LIVE AT HOME IF YOU CAN. If you are going to a college near your home, and living in an apartment, I will slap you. Ok, I'm kidding. It totally depends on your family situation. But, if you're just living on your own for stupid reasons and its draining your bank account.... then I will slap you until you see reality. At least through your sophomore year. It saves SO MUCH MONEY I can't even stress that. I've been a broke ass diva since college started and that causes anxiety for me. OR, live super close to campus or ride the bus or a shuttle (like my apartment complex has) to save LOTS of money on gas. Basically, take every money saving step possible. 

4. GET A JOB IN HIGH SCHOOL. Seriously start applying for jobs for 14 year olds, but if there are none, start at 16!! You will love yourself for building funds for college. There are so many expenses out there that you don't even think of. 

5. GET A PART TIME JOB IN COLLEGE. Only if your sanity can take it and you can keep doing a stellar job keeping up with homework. Don't stop applying until you for sure have a job. Half of them won't even contact you so apply apply apply. Try applying for your first choices like the first week, then second choices, then your last resorts.  

trying to apply for jobs like

6. Talk to people. I don't even take this advice, so don't feel like you have to. But I at least try to look like I'm totally willing to talk and act like when/if someone does. But I do have  resting beach face so its kind of hard. Network! 

7. Totally disregard 6 like me if you are me. 

8. Be nice to your roommates if you have them. Be cordial and try not to be the overly passive aggressive roommate. If you can afford, get a private room, or if you're super lucky or rich, get a private apartment. 

9. JOIN CLUBS. YOU WILL MAKE FRIENDS WITH SIMILAR INTERESTS.

10. Kind of like number 9, TAKE LOTS OF VARIETY OF CLASSES like dance or yoga or film history or a language class if you're into those. I would be into those. 

11. Don't take the crap that life throws at you too seriously. Try super hard to be happy. I don't even do that and I'm depressed, so make of that what you will.

 Me watching life pass me by... don't be like me. I'm trying to not be like me

Good luck. If you're anything like in the situation I'm in (friendless, depressed, already in your sophomore, junior year and still indecisive, broke AF, going slowly crazy) just know that I know what its like. Please don't give up. Don't let me give up. We can do it together. 

Lots of love, 

a broke AF young adult  & college student

PS Speaking of scholarships/getting money for college, please vote for me! :) Dr. Pepper Tuition Giveaway

THE REALITY OF COLLEGE: Part 1 My Experience

I'll be totally honest, I should have written this yesterday or even about three days ago. However, I wasn't thinking about picking my blog back up (three days ago) or I was just too busy (yesterday). I'll tell you why I shouldn't be writing it right now. This is because I won't be very optimistic. I'm depressed again (no surprise) and I hate everything about my life right now, but I'll still do my best to give the reality of the situation.

So first off, let's start with what I did and what's happening with me (Part 1) and then what you should do for an optimal experience (Part 2.)

I attended actual college classes my first semester of junior year in high school. I went to the UAA Eagle River campus. My second semester, none. My first, second, and third trimesters of high school senior year I took concurrent classes at the USU Vernal campus. These were all great classes and I don't regret them at all (even though like 5 of them don't count for anything in my current major/degree program). First semester of college, I took online classes from Snow College while living in Columbia, Missouri. (PS Mizzou and Columbia are awesome.)  While in Columbia, something life altering and world shaking happened. I lost my full ride to Snow College through their mistake and only partly mine. (They didn't tell me the requirements of keeping my scholarship, and I didn't think to look it up. I, having no experience with scholarships, didn't know there were so many strict requirements. I know. Brilliant of me.) Second semester of freshman year, no classes whatsoever, because my whole life plan was just thrown out the window with one phone cal. So I just worked as a housekeeper trying to make enough funds to save for school and pay my hefty rent bill. First semester of sophomore year (and maybe the rest of my undergrad), Utah Valley University--the "real" college experience. (It sucks, by the way, but I have the utmost hope for you.)

Me trying to convince my school to give me more money
(Not happening, btw)

So lets start with the first of my regrets: not staying with Alaska Middle College School my second semester of junior year. However, what happened the summer following my junior year would have changed very little concerning that decison (BUT I STILL COULD HAVE GRADUATED WITH MY ASSOCIATES I'M SURE OF IT by the time end of senior year rolled around). We moved out of state. That too, sucked balls. But I got to continue getting college credits, luckily. Just not enough. I wasn't smart enough to take half of the classes because my stupid Accuplacer said so. Anyway, I finished high school with a measly 21 college credits. I had 30 by the end of my first semester of college freshman year and so I wasn't too far behind, I guess. But judging by my head start I should have been much farther ahead and I'm still kind of sad about that. But I can't allow myself to be bitter. It does absolutely no good.

The first five months of 2016 were absolutely pivotal in my future. I had to decide what I was going to do after my summer in Alaska. (Learn from my mistakes children. Start freshman year of high school slowly examining schools you want to go to unless you've just always known. GOOD FOR YOU!!--Seriously. I'm being serious--that's so cool.) This was a cause for SO MUCH stress and panic attacks and bouts of depression from about February -April. But one day my dad brought up UVU. Life changer. I wasn't too happy about the idea or thrilled at the prospect of going there, but they had a bunch of programs I was interested in that I could easily transfer into if my current major of choice ended up being a flop. So I applied because I needed to do so soon before all the deadlines passed. Half of them already had. Oh well.

Currently, I'm in an apartment complex almost directly across from campus. I have 5 other girls in my apartment and my roommate is in California visiting family for labor day weekend (THANK THE LORD--not that I don't like her. I just like having my own room more...) Also, did I mention that I suck at making friends and am two weeks into the semester with still ZERO friend prospects. That's sad. I'm sad. I'm depressed. But I'll push through. For you, anonymous reader.

True story.

Lots of love,
a hopeless young adult

HOW TO COPE WITH FEELS: THE ACTUAL SOLUTION

I found it. HAHAHAHA

http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-Emotional-Pain

Also, a solution is to write about it. Vent to the world on top of a mountain if you have to.

Lots of love,
a hopeless & fanatic young adult

HOW TO OVERCOME FANDOM FEELS

Alternate Title: / How to Feel Better when a Fictional World makes you experience a plethora of unpleasant, sad emotions and you feel like you'll never get over it

When my best friend and I watched The Book Thief, (separately, on different computers, in different states, communicating via Facebook messaging in what we call "live-tweeting" a movie. It is how we watch movies together over a long distance) I went online immediately afterwards to find a cure for my terrible feels. Oh they hurt so bad. I scoured the pages of eHow and Yahoo Answers, and only found one humorously helpful post on eHow. I can't seem to find it again, but I did find it once, and I shared some of the tips with my friend. We laughed, but in all seriousness, it hurt and man, did I need help.

ain't that the truth, Spock

So I contemplated making a YouTube video on this, and even kinda had a conversation with myself on how it would go down, but then I started to break down and tear up. At that point in my life, I was on season 7 or something of FRIENDS, but made the horrid mistake of seeing a post on pinterest about moments in the series that "still make you cry every time time you watch them." The very last one was the finale. {Oh lord I can't  explain the pain, and unless you've experienced something like it before, you seriously do not want to experience it. Stay away from getting emotionally attached to anything that isn't real. Come to think of it, stay away from real stuff too--because broken hearts SUCK.}
Oh man did I sob. All the wet tears and runny nose that makes up the "ugly cry" happened and I was dreading watching the rest of the series. I finally did, though. And it was worth it. And I cried just as hard watching the finale in the essence of the whole episode as I did in the YouTube clip where they put their keys on the counter and leave the apartment for the last time. AND OH MY LAWDY WHEN THEY PANNED AROUND THE APARTMENT. (This is one of the reasons I have tissues by my bed.)

                                                              I'll be there for you...

Now for those of you who are bookworms, like moi, I also experiences this horrible overcoming of feels when reading certain books and/or series. For example, the Maze Runner: Death Cure: Page 250.

Also, I cried like a buttmunchkin whilst reading the part in "The Fault in Our Stars" where the eulogies are being given. I also cried when Augustus died, but not as hard as I did when he got to witness his own eulogies from two of the people he cared about the most. And how about we stop there because I am dying inside.

this was me, but without the mother for support

Now the real reason for this post, at this particular point in time, is because of Shamy. If you don't know who that is, shamy on you. (lol I'm a riot) [Just kidding.] It's Sheldon and Amy from The Big Bang Theory. I had the unfortunate incident of running across a MAJOR spoiler for the series, and if you don't want to know what it is, skip to the end or just stop reading now. Anyway, I just finished season 4 yesterday, & obviously I'm very behind, but that doesn't stop me from being very much in love with the idea of "Sheldon and Amy forever". I saw a picture of the spoiler, and being the numbnut that I am, I went online to watch the scene on YouTube. *********(MISTAKE. Children learn from my mistakes. This is very reminiscent of  the whole FRIENDS incident of seeking out end of season/series spoilers. DON'T DO IT)*********When Amy broke up with him, that was sad in itself, but when Sheldon pulled out the ring... my chest was seized with pain. I couldn't breathe. I felt as if I was Sheldon and my heart had been broken. At the same time, I cried for Amy, not knowing what she had just unknowingly rejected. And I also cried for her because I saw exactly where she was coming from. I mean, really Sheldon? Thinking about the Flash while kissing her? Really SHELDON???!!!!. Anyway, sorry for that rant, but honestly. My heart broke for both of them, and to me, that's not fair. Why should I suffer for others' pain?

(THEIR FIRST DATE/ MEETING *heart eye emoji*) #ShamyForever

But I do. I get so into these movies, TV shows, books, and more.  I get to be there with them through ALL of it. Everything. The joy, the excitement, the suspense, the anger, the pain, the sadness...the heart breaking.... It really does suck, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I would rather live all these lives with others and experience their pain and stuff, than simply be a bystander and not get involved in any way whatsoever. Now that is what would suck.

Now, for the cure. There is none. I'm so sorry to lead you through all of that to simply tell you it was all a hoax. I'm so sorry. I honestly haven't found one. Yet. But, if it's really bad, you may have to resort to getting out into the real world for a while. I know that doesn't sound appealing in any sense of the phrase, but do it. I know our fictional worlds are so much better than the real world, but we have to be honest here and face the reality of the situation. We are real and they are not. At least, not in this universe....

Lots of love,
a hopeless & fanatic young adult

ALSO,  CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT HOW AMAZING JIM PARSONS IS AS A PERSON?